Today I feel like I have accomplished a lot

I went to bed really late last night, so I got up at like 11am.. And that wasn't my full 8 hours, haha! Anyways, When we got up we had a chat with Erics mommy, and decided we were going to head to walkerton to pick up my mommys exerciser that she was giving me. We picked up a stepper and a cabinet to go above the toilet in the upstairs bathroom to hold all of my girly stuff.. lol yay!! :) So we got those, and on the way down I got hot chocolte and candy cane donughts!! Isn't that great?

See how pretty I am with a donught smile? Isn't it just super duper great. Anywayss.. we had a lovely journey to my mommys. Eric got to see the new house, and help unload some stuff lol. We unfortunatly couldn't stay very long, becuase Eric had to be home in time for work, so it was a lovely short visit with 3 of my favourite people. One thing I would like to note, is my mommys car is dirty :)
See?



I writted her name on the back of the van, lol :) Shh don't tell her! Not sure she knows it's there, or that it was me.. mwahaha

On the other hand when we got home, we made loaded fruit to take to Alicias tomorrow, it shall be super fun!

Doesn't it look yummy? Lol I should probably go upstairs and take the bottle out, i'm sure it's done draining into the watermelon now.

Also I would like to say that we have the best hang out spot in town.. The 20 or so people that come to our house on random nights. Theres atleast 5 people plus Eric, Ben and I in the basement every night.. So some of the lovelies are coming to party the heck out of new years!! Yahooo!! I think the count is up to 15 people right now, lol.. holy moly!! Thats crazy nuts. But, I'm going to be the hottest one at the party.

Bow chicka wow wow I look hot :)! I have perfect hair today, it's pretty exciting news :)
Okay I think that is enough for me. The end.

HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


xox

Bria feels like death

Okay so I have been sick for 4 days now.. 4 freaking days you'd think i'd be getting over it by now, but I feel like it's gotten a little bit worse today. I can't keep anything down, again. I was doing just fine on that yesterday, but today I can't keep anything down. There's about half a bottle of water in my tummy right now and It's trying it's hardest to come and visit my tonsils.. I miss my mommy. I feel bad that I got cranky with her earlier. She has such a healing touch. When I was sick when I lived at home I would crawl into her bed and she'd cuddle me and all of the ickyness in my tummy and throat would go away, but now that im on my own, being sick blows!!

I went into work today for 3 hours to cover Katrinas shift, that poor little lady is sick too.. and so is everyone that works there! Sorry subway customers, today you're getting your sandwhich with a side of influenza enjoy!

Tomorrow I have all day to rest, which will be much needed. I went to bed at a pretty decent time last night, slept until 10, went to work for 11, worked till 2 fell asleep at 330, woke up at 8.. and I could probably sleep until i'm 30 right now.. as long as I don't have to wake up to abuse my rib cage anymore. My body feels like it's 80 years old..  

That is me. I have pulled all of my hair out in frustration and i am cartoonized because being sick has sucked all of the life out of me.

xox

Santa was good to me!

Holy Wow!!... Christmas came and past, thats pretty rediculous if you ask me.. It went by so quickly. Now I`m just waiting for summer to come just as quickly. I got A LOT of useful items for christmas and i`m very thank-ful for them. We had a really great family dinner, and family brunch it was pretty fantastic. I haven`t yet uploaded any of the pictures but I will soon!! The only down side to christmas was I got sick! there were too many infected people in my house and yesterday I woke up half dead. I went into work coughing and barfing my guts out, it was pretty unpleasent...  Thankfully Katrina came in early for me. I dont know what I would have done without her... I was so uncomfortable at work. The sink out front is broken, and so we can`t wash our hands in the sink out front, we do it in the back before we come out. But I`m obviously sick and coughing constantly and custoemrs cant see me washing my hands, one lady looked pretty nervous that i didnt wash my hands, but i TOTALLY did!!When I`m at work, and i`m sick I wash my ahnds every like 15 minutes cause I don`t want to spred it around, so I guess thats a good thing. Unfortunatly though, I didn`t get to go to Erics moms side for christmas. That really bumemd me out, I was looking forwad to seeing everyone, but I didn`t want to infect anyone, especially the babies. So I stayed home and had a much needed nap and a loooooong rest.. i sat infront of the TV after I woke up and I didn`t move, not that thats NOT normal haha.. But I feel soooo much better today. Not coughing near as much and my head isnt spinning and Im not throwing up, my ribs hurt A LOT and when I cough tooo much my body aches a lot, but thats just normal i suppose. I should be up and running at peak efficientcy by tomorrow! woowoo

Today the store was soooo freaking DEAD!! I left an hour and a half early. We served like 15 customers NOT EVEN... I did a lotttt of cleaning, i left 2 different lists of everything I did and when I left Derril was staring his own. So I left at 1230 instead of 2, which is nice. I can be chilled out and showered before we leave for Welland to take Heather home, and we should be able to leave right at 2 instead of 230 or 3, so that shall be super duper. We`re going to check out the boxing week sales at the mall before we come home, and the boys are currently grocery shopping... :) haha

Okay thats enough for me right now!!

xoxox

2 Days till christmas!!

Wow..
ALL the gifts we were buying are bought
ALL the gifts we bought are wrapped
And We're ready to go! Thats super duper excited..
I really can't wait till christmas, I just love the hustle of christmas day, of cooking and the kids running around, and moving hot things around running children.. I can't wait. It's gonna be so great!! I'm really happy that everyone is coming to my house for dinner, thats really neatt!! First house, first christmas.. AWESOME!
Today I have to work 4-1130pm.. And it's 2pm right now which really sucks. I'm kinda really tired so i might lay down for a little bit, that will probably be a good idea. Cause tomorrow I have to work 6-2.. So thats going to such a LOT!! I think we should work at like 9am on christmas eve but i gotta be there at 6.. boo!
But on the plus side, we got 2 christmas gifts early! YAY!!!.. Erics parents got us a kitchen table and charis for c hristmas, which is so amazing!! I love it just so much!! It makes me feel grown up lol. And it also gives us extra sitting rom for everyone that is coming over christmas day. Justin got me a slow cooker and 2 slow cooker recipe books, which is so awesome! I am so very excited about it, because it looks soooo pretty, and its just so pretty and it will really help for christmas day. We have 13 items on our chinese buffet christmas list.
Tiffle
Punch
Rice x3
Chicken Tao
Dry garlic pork
Cressants
Beef Teriyaki
Pepper Steak
Lemon Chicken
Lo mein
Chicken Balls
EXCITEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, thats about all I have to say right now.

The New Me

I am going to get a new notebook, and I'm going to dedicate it to the new me. With the new year approaching, I feel like I would love to make some life style changes. Not new years resolutions cause I feel like you can make a resolution to yourself whenever you need to. I would like to start it in the new year, because I feel like with a new year, and a new attitude anything is possible. I have many alarms set on my phone hoping that I can pick up the habit and remember to do them so that I can just do it without even thinking and make that part of who I want to be.

1. I'm going to start eating healthier. I'm going to try and track what I eat by making simple menus for myself, and keeping track of easy simple menu ideas I can make for myself that don't put a lot of crap into my body

2. I'm going to cut down on snacking. I'm not going to cut it out completely, because I have a bad habit of it, and I don't want my body to constantly crave the sugar i so often put into it.I'm also going to make tasty healthier snack options when I do feel like I need something other than chips and chocolate.

3. I'm going to start going for walks again, every morning. If I miss my walk in the morning, I will go at night. I'm going to make it a goal to get outside and be physical for at least 20 minutes to start. When I am comfortable with 20 minutes, I will increase my activity time. When the summer comes I am going to add in things like roller blading and bike riding.

4. Along with my walks I am going to use the wii fit every day. I'm hoping to make this an after dinner activity. 

5. My mommy is moving, and said that her exercise glider is going to come and visit me. Aside from my walks, and the wii fit I'm going to use the glider for an hour everyday. This hour is going to occur in between 10-11am, because I'm going to exercise and watch Ellen at the same time. This way I don't get bored, and am tempted to stop doing it because I have nothing to do while I'm on it. Also, if I get tired and need a washroom break or a water break I can take them on commercials, this way the break is no longer than 4-6 minutes long.

6. I have a habit of not eating. I got into the habit a little while ago, but I never stuck to it, because I had many other things to worry about, I let my bad days control my life and when I had bad days, i wouldn't eat. I did this for control. I couldn't control when I had a bad day or how long it would last... 1 hour 3 days 1 week.. But I'm going to keep myself going and force myself to make the decisions I know I need to make. I'm going to make sure that I eat at least 3 meals a day, and try and schedule them the best that I can. 

7. Instead of just being interested in something and knowing very little about the field, I'm going to research things of interest. Lately I've re discovered my love for interior design, and I've been watching A LOT (like 20 hours a day) of the home and garden network. This has re inspired and re created my love for interior design. I'm going to make a habit of looking further into the things I love doing. Photography - Teaching - Designing - Creating

8. I have decided I need to be more creative. I'm creative with ideas, and throwing parties and things that that. I would love to focus this into more crafty things. Kat has really inspired me to do more things like that. I would love to learn how to knit, Kat is teaching me that. My mom gave me a lot of her old crochet books, I'm going to teach myselfe how to do that. I have also decided that once the holidays are over I'm going to use the craft room for what its for.. crafts. 

9. I would like to make a habit of volunteering somewhere.. At the hospital, or vet office.. something like that! Maybe once or twice a week would be really cool.

10. Last but not least, I want to make a stand against bullying. My poor little cousins are scared to go to school because of the bullies. I would love to try and make a voice for those who don't have one. I realize that the schools have a 0 tolerance for bullies, but that doesn't seem to make them go away. And I know that nothing will, but If I can get my cubs and others in scouting involved in something that will make a loud voice against bullies, and change even just one life, then my goal is accomplished.

Those are my 10 promises to myself for the new year!! What are your new year traditions going to be?

xox

The Holidayss!

Wow so christmas has approached so quickly!! I really hope that summer comes just as quickly as winter did. I've finally gotten over that horrible week I had and with the holiday excitement, i'm finding it not so hard to be happy about things. Laurie came to visit last night, and she said she's having a jewellery in January to have something to get over the blah period once christmas is over. I'm goign to see about throwing a fantasia party in February and then the buck and doe is in march and the wedding in may!! So I should be okay with things sto look forward to, which is important.
I may need to move my councelling appts up instead of farther apart, I really don't think I'm handelling it well.
I got to give Eric his christmas present early, and I'm really excited that he really loves it. He didnm't have any idea what it was, and I'm totally proud of that! I got him a bearded Dragon and he names him Jeff!! Thats the greatest name for a lizzard, ever!!

Isn't he the cutest? He's the best! He's so active and he uns around his cage like all the time. Today though, Sebastian and Mittins were stalking him from the end of the couch.

Sebastian jumped from the couch INTO the tank!! BAD KITTY!! He knocked his hole body off the glass. HE shifted the tank back, and Eric beat him up. Silly Silly Kitty!! This worries me now. I was starting to calm down about Jeff vs the cats, but now I'm kind of nervous

so tierd!!!

I should know better then to stay up late but I just wasnt tired last night. I was 100% wide awake, until 3am!! I always stay up late on the days i have to work in the morning, cause im a doofus. I just want to go back to bed!! Hopefully I can last through my shift lol. 

Okay, so all week I have had to really convince myself its not thursday and now that its thursday i cant convince myselef that it is, is that stupid? On Tuesday when I was at work all day I was convinced it was Thursday. No one could make me think differently. Its like when I looked at the calender at work to write the dates on the bins I was prepping it was such a struggle to write down tuesdays date. It was like choosing between having your toes chopped off or your fingers.. you had to really think about which one.. lol.

Baby Steps

so last week was one of the hardest weeks I have ever had to get over. Nothing really major happened, it was just an emotional roller coaster. I don't even know how many times I called my mom crying so hard I couldn't even talk to her. She knows that when someone calls her and blubbers in her ear that its me, ha. In a sense I feel accomplished, cause I swore I wouldn't make it through the day.. Each day was such a struggle and I felt like I just couldn't do it. I had to call in to work one day, and that made me feel just terrible. i didn't want it to have to come to that but there is no way I would have survived through my shift. I barley made it through that day. I feel like that week was probably top 2 worst weeks ever for me.. the first week being the week I decided to finally get some help. Each day I over come I feel stronger. I argue with my mom all the time about not having enough strength to breathe, but the truth is that its there. You have no choice to breathe, just like you have no say in whether or not you want to skip the bad days. The point is, that I did it. I over came it.. I sought out some more help, some I know that may be a little over due. I am determined to get better, and try and make sure that no one has to ever go through what I'm currently going through. It's sad when you're so depressed that the T.V not working can give you the same reaction as to someone passing away.. That's how I am right now, but today is a good day. It also kinda seems stupid, even on my good days I don't feel happy.. and I don't like that. I used to be the happiest person I knew. I could make any circumstance into something that someone could smile over. Now, if the T.V doesn't work I start to cry.. It just silly stuff, and slowly I'm teaching myself that it's okay to cry. Just because I have a bad day, or a bad week doesn't mean I'm not making progress. The fact that I know that eventually it will get better is progress. The fact that I take in my next breath is progress. It's something that I didn't want to do for a long time.. Now I know that bad days are okay. I just need to remind myself of that the next bad day that comes along.  Depression is not a joke, or anything to be fooled around with. I should of listened to my family and got help sooner. Sometimes I beat myself up for not having money to make christmas happen this year.. 

It's not a very happy christmas season at all, there are a lot of things going on that just aren't good at all... Some things are really bad, and some are not so bad. Either way, I'm determined to do whatever I can to help make christmas happy for my family, I don't really know what is going to happen for that, but I have to be able to help somewhere.. Mom and I and Eric have talked about some ways that I can help, we just got to see if it actually will.. I know that christmas is the family that your surrounded with and all the joy of the season, but if the family your around isn't having a very good christmas season, then there has to be something more.

I'm trying so hard.

Refusing to be sad is one of the hardest things ever.. I feel like a failure when I can't get happy again.. I was doing so well and then I had a really down day, but I sprung back the next day.. Lately this hasn't been happening.. I have felt awful for the past couple days and I just can't get back to where I Was. I don't know what to do. I was on the phone with mom for a half hour last night bawling my eyes out for a stupid reason and I took her advice on how to shake off the bad feelings. It helped me stop crying, but I still feel awful today. I have to convince myself not to cry right now, and I just don't know what to do. I hate feeling like this. It's so hard to try to be happy.. 

I have to go to work in about an hour and a half, and I can't stop crying.. I don't like this. I'm so frustrated.. And the worse part is.. I don't even know what I'm frustrated about..

Stresssss

Okay so today I'm supposed to be working 11-9. it was originally 11-4 but i picked up a shift from becky, she really needed it off, so 11-8 wasn't a big deal. There is a hockey tournament this weekend, so now im working 11-9. I'm just hoping that I don't die. It will be just the 2 people all day. I'm pretty sure that its possible I may explode. We were super busy last night, but luckily we were well prepared. Today I'm going to like triple everything so that it should last until its quiet again. 

On a good note Heather is here :) I'm super excited that I get to see her face. I was kind of grumpy last night, because I was soo sore and tired. Sorry Heather :( But hopefully today will be better. Apparently we are building ginger bread houses, which is exciting I just don't know when. It will have to be in the dark lol

On another note. I completely re-arranged the kitchen. It is MUCH better now.. MUCH MUCH MUCH better and 100% functional. We got our Sanata's choice christmas food yesterday which is extremely exciting. So I organized everything and I moved all of the cupboards around. I also cleaned the living room and finished decorating for christmas :) Hurray! I made a way for my angel to stay on tip of the tree. Dad bought it for me 2 Christmas's ago, and it was laying down on t he top of the tree cause it wouldnt fit. There was a big hole for it to go on top, but there's a pole on the top of our tree, for the tree topper and then the branche4s were getting in the way. So I gathered the three branches that were mostly in the way, and I taped them together and shoved my angel on top and now it works!! So that's super duper exciting.

Anyways that is all :)

xox