Arrrrr

Okay so I have decided I want to stock up on halloween costimes. It'll be tonnes of fun.. cause then I can dress up as whatever I want! and if someone asks me if I have a clown nose I can say yes! Haha.. Anyways..

I feel sick.. It may be that I ate shitty food today .. or that my tummy just doesnt like candy .. I have a headache and the door bell keeps ringing with lovely little trick or treaters. But I think they are done for the night .. its kinda late.  and kinda late means eric will be coming home soon.. Im getting kinda tired which I shouldnt be because I napped until like 1pm . but I'm tired... I want to wait up for him though.. blaaa!
By the way I spent atleast 10 minutes editing this blog to make it pretty! I hope it turns out well or I will be sad!

Happy Halloween!

Phew!! I am so very tired. Braving all 4 kids for the night was pretty tough! they took over my house! hahaha. We had a lot of fun though! Eric unfortunately had to work all day yesterday and the kids missed him. They asked for me to "think about it" next time so they can spend time with Eric. lol... like i purposely planned that they couldn't see him. Those silly kids!! ... So we played outside for most of the day. The boys roped Ben into playing 4 square.. with only 2 people. They all put on their Halloween costumes and played. When Micah picked up a sword and stated playing with it it was soo funny because she's a princess.. And it just looked odd when she was dressed all pretty yet slashing people with swords. I got some pictures of them in their costumes and some really nice pictures of them dressed up. We played outside until dinner time and then we ate and everyone stayed inside and watched a movie.. and then soon it was bedtime.. boy that sucked! haha.. 3 out of 4 kids ended up sleeping in my bed because none of them would leave each other alone.. I think that it worked out good though. Because Micah was sleeping in my bed.. so Josh and Amber knew that if they woke her up i would not be a happy camper!! And so that left Cody in the craft room with no one to play with.. thus everyone slept! Lol.. 

So Ben and I were hanging out downstairs and i was like falling asleep and then the next thing i knew Ben put in my favourite movie! Okay so I lost this movie like a year ago. i still have the case.. but the DVD is gone and it broke my heart because I just love it so much.. And so I was falling asleep my eyes were closed and then I heard "Bri!.. Brianne!" And I looked at Ben all confused and he pointed at the TV and TADDA STARDUST WAS PLAYING!! He downloaded and burnt it for me. I was sooo excited!! I forced myself to stay awake and watch the movie. Then around he middle Eric came home!! :) I was excited to see him. After the movie Eric took me to bed and moved kids with me and cuddled me to sleep and tucked me in :) Gosh I have it made!

I have been feeling pretty good these past couple days! I go for my license tomorrow.. so hopefully I get that back because Amy is coming home on the 8th and I WANT TO SEE HER!! Also that means I can try and look for another job. I want to take a PSW training course because I want that so very badly! I would really like to go back to school or take a course.. I see me making more of myself than just a sandwich artist. though I am kinda glad to be going back to work next month. We will see if I can handle it. Eric has been working so much and I know if I had his hours i would just die.. 

anyways that's it for me!



BOO!!

The Brats

so I get to babysit the munchkins today! I'm ready for my patients to be worn completely out! haha! Im hoping to do a photoshoot with them.. perhaps I will bribe them with cookies or something. I called aunt linna yesterday with a list of demands hahaha. Eric will be at work all day today. Ben on the other hand will be home. So I feel sorry for his patients as well. :) 

Anyways this should be fun :)! And theres a park at the end of the street we could play there too! I'm kinda excited. I hope they co-operate for the photoshoot cause it's pretty important to me.. The sun is not really out so the lighting may not be perfect.. but i'm gonna try!

Look I made a pretty picture!!

Photography

Okay this is my plan. I want to actually get back into my photography. I am going to purchase a new camera. A good digital one and Im going to get everything I need to go with it. I will start a bin of photo props that I can use for kids and what not and start practicing on my adorable little models... I miss doing things that I love. I just dont have the camera do to it with... I need models and I need an art portfolio.. Because I can fix this computer up and put the software on it that I need to edit them.. thats another thing I love about pictures.. re-creating them.. I have never felt so motivated towards something in my whole life  .. except wedding planning.. I used to be soo into my photography and when I stopped caring about my life I stopped caring about that and I hate that about me .. so that is what I am going to do.. I am going to get myself back into that and start working towards something that I love. If I can really get myself into it then I can probably make a life around it. Photographers don't really make a lot of money but I can certainly try!


The camera that I need in order to do this is not that expensive. Eric mentioned to me last night that he wants a good camera.. Anything Canon is AMAZING.  If we go with Cannon I can use the lenses I already have.. that would save money there.. I already have a Tri-pod.. that would save that money .. if I could find it! I know lots of people that would let me practice to build up a portfolio.. I have all the training that I need in order to be qualified.. and i've been inlove with pictures as long as I can remember.. I could start up lessons or something like that and teach people about cameras.. I even made my own flyer once.. I could send it home with all of my cubs and spread the awareness!! that could be a side job to help pay for the wedding..


Oh this is so very exciting.. I could really do this!! 

hmm

its been 4 days since ive posted in here and i dont really have much to say!! not very much has happened... we had our halloween cub party i dressed up like a purple witch!! was tonnes of fun! ... i looked pretty awesome!! We got 2 new registrations.. thats pretty cool too.. amy and i are on skype planning out wedding stuff not that there is much planning to do .. right now anyways ... i showed her the dress and the center pieces.

the end

One more thing

We got the pictures back!! I am so excited! Kristin did a great job!!

Hurry up wedding!!

The more shows I watch. The more I talk ahout it... the more I want this wedding to hurry up!! Watching the "to-dos" on the website... and looking at the "to-dos" Wedding SOS.. I have a feeling we are doing it wrong!! I know I still have 6 months until the wedding ... but really? Thats NOT a lot of time!! .. Okay well it is to me,, perhaps I should make a list of everything i still need to do... everything i need to get and what not. Oh boy... Once everything all comes down to the crunch time.. the wedding wont be far enough away .. but for right now I'm getting impatient!

Boredddddddddd

We went grocery shopping today!! We didn't really need groceries, but we're stocking up on stuff we will use while it's on sale.. Now that we have a freezer we can do that! Excitement!! We went to walmart.. gosh I love grocery shopping there! Ben also bought The Big Bang Theory season 3... thats also exciting! .. thats pretty much all we did today ... I wish Eric didn't have to work all the time!! Except.. he had 2 days off this week.. just thursday was spent running around constantly.. so it didn't feel like a day off together .. and monday .. was a long time ago.

But he has those same days off this week .. so hopefully we can spend a whooooooole day together :)!

That would be nice..

Combine

okay so my mom introduced me to this game on facebook.. and I have been ADDICTED TO IT!.. like I used to be addicted to Pyramid Solitaire Ancient Egypt.. But that was pretty much just to pass the time.. This game I actually am addicted to.. like im playing it right now and I don't even want to do this journal posting because o this game its quite ridiculous! Its kind of like tetris.. except its little balls I stacked them up so I could give you a better idea of the game. what you do is you have to line up 3 of the same colour.. now the balls dont drop down you can leave them at the top until you figured out your move.. and you can switch which way they go cause they arent always the same colour.. But when you line up 3 in a row, another ball appears.. So if I line up 3 greens the ball turns yellow... 3 yellows the ball turns orange.. and so on up that colour scale on the left.. I can't get passed 50000 points.. and yesterday i couldnt even get up o that lol.. I want to beat my moms score so badly.. lol i think thats why im so addicted once i beat her score im sure i will be bored o the game but for right now this is what i eat breathe and sleep!! ahaha I am such a sad excuse for a human being!!

Then end

The first snow fall

 It is October 22 and THERE IS STILL SNOW ON T HE GROUND!!.. It started snowing last night. Mom said that there were even white-out conditions and she didnt know what side of the road she was on when she was driving home!.. That is terrible!!! I expected the snow not to last over night because the first snow fall never does. Well This time IT LASTED!! what the heck!?! I dont understaaandd!! It's not deathly cold outside so its NOT ALLOWED TO SNOW!!! The first snow fall never lasts over night especially when the snow is as wet as it was yesterday... but as you can clearly tell with the second picture IT IS STILL HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also I would just like to throw in that I did ALL of my laundry yesterday!! :)

Anyways on a different note. Today is Micah-Lynns Birthday.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKEY!!!! You're the big 3 years old!!!!!

Washing machine!!!

This morning we picked up our laundry machine!! boy am I excited!! It's pretty rediculous!! We did our bedding and allll of our clothes and towels and cloths and tea towels... lol im excitement of having a washer. Were still doing laundry.. I should fold some of it and get off of facebook!! Mom addicted me to 2 new games.. I saw her playing this bubble popp game and I really liked it and then she showed me another game called combine and I fell inlove I have been playing it for hours!! Its definatly time to get off of here!!

So Eric picked me up at my moms at 930am.. I didn't see the inside of my house until after one!! It's pretty retarded!!!... I was soo sick of being in the truck i didn't think I could last much longer I never ever wanted to go out again... Though I have been agitated all day, so thats prolly why. I usually love being in the truck.. and our.. especially since I've been home all the time!!

We've also been watching cop shows since we got home!!
Lol uugggh

okay im gonna get off here and fold laundry!

I should fix my nail polish

So I came to moms last night so I wouldn't be late for my appt today ... My appt felt like hell.. It just wasn't a good hour for me... But not every session is super great, their not supposed to be .. I'm not doing very much better but I guess I'm not doing worse..
She basically said the same stuff my mom did about the whole friday incident.. I still feel awful about it.. and everytime I think about it I just want to die.. Eric has been so great with keeping my moods steady.. Everything is better when he's around.

I get to go to cubs tonight.. I'm pretty excitedf about that I have missed every meeting aside from the first one. I should egt my license back in two weeks.. so I need to practise!! I'm not the best driver so I really need to start working on that.

Today we also took the puppies to get their shots, and we had breakfast for lunch.. I love breakfast so it was pretty great :)

Mom and I stayed up last night and had a really nice mother-daughter evening.. Moms are so good for the soul.. and broken hearts..

Also we get to go to sauble tomorrow. Wonder if I can convince the boys to play on the beach with me <3 that would be super great! :) I really feel the need to decorate.. I wonder if I could do that .. I wanna d ecorate the craft room I need a table to put in there.. I should make it like a beauty room/craft room.. make it uber girly. im curretnly using it for storage ... but those boxes can be moved to the basement once I clear all the current boxes out of the one storage closet and put it into the other one.. that way our stuff is off the basement floor incase of floods... Annd I kinda need access to the dryer now that tmoorrow we can officially do laundry at our own house!! Yahooo!! That is really exciting.

Laundry day wont be such a big deal anymore. We wont have to continue going out, and we wont have to stay at Erics parents house all day when we have other errands and such to run. Eric usually only gets one day off, so thats when we do all of our running around together and our together time.. and doing luandry on that day usually implies that we have to stay clsoe to home. now I can do laundry in my own basement!! That's pretty much the best news everrrr!!

Also today I am getting our engagement photos back!! I am soo excited! Plus I get o see Kristin and that makes me smile... I really need to get a USB cord, cause I want to start making vlogsssssss!! I think they would be super duper fun for sureee!! and USB cords are cheap compared to buying the entire camera.. which i will end up doing if we dont get a cord soon! Grrr!! lol..
anyways thats it..hopefully mom will be home soon, because I am boredddddd! The End

my nail polish keeps smudging!!

Seems like when I have days where I don't generally feel anything ... I sleep.  I just woke up from a nap.. I slept for like 12 hours last night .. I really shouldnt of needed a nap.. Especially not at 1oclock!.. Ugh.. and I'm completely zapped of energy.. I was going to do the dishes, and I didnt.. Perhaps Eric will help when he gets home, that would be super..  My dad and I started talking this morning and then he had to goa way for a bit and i told him to message me when he got back so i knew to come back to the computer, because he really needed to talk to me apperently and now he has disapeared... lol silly man!!

Yesterday a lady Eric works with, Bonnie, came over for dinner. She is the nicest lady! She's soo sweet.. We had a really yummy dinner that Eric made, and she brought apple crisp for dessert. She also brought me flowers! She's such a sweetheart!! They are absolutely beautiful!

I also did my nails today and watched Hellcats.. today the talking was FOUR MINUTES ahead of the picture.. ugh it was torture.. but I love that show just so much that I couldn't stop watching it.

anyways im going to get dressed now byebye :)

Blaah

Yesterday I didn't do very much. I was pretty bored all day! Eric worked 1-10 and I think thats the worst shift ever.. I did some wedding stuff on the compute. I typed up the guest list I think I have it finalized. I played with some wedding websites... That took me quite a while actually.. I was playing with music and looking up dance ideas. I finished all of that and was sick of the computer.. and theres nothing else to do!! I have craft books and no materials.. I don't want to bake, because the boys already need to eat what I have already baked. So.. I watched Hairspray. Not that that's a bad thing at all!! I love that movie soo much.. but I was soo bored I didn't know what movie to watch.. I looked at all of them, picked one.. then decided I would like watching camp rock better.. but then by picking that movie I remembered I wanted to watch hairspray, and neither of the boys were home, so this was my chance! Woot... Ben came home to catch the tail end of the movie, I was going to put another girly movie on, but I thought I would spare him. Plus, Eric was coming home in like an hour, so I wouldnt have time to watch the entire thing before he came home. So I put in the Big Bang Theory :) I finished the season we have last week, but I think I am so inlove with this show that it will never get old. Haha.. I'm sure it will eventually, but for right now it's a beautiful thing.

We're getting cable today!! I am soo excited!! I have one more episode of hellcats to watch online.. UGH!! :( I don't like watching that show online because the words are 2 minutes ahead of the picture.. and I have to sit through 6 clips.. it IS worth it however.. I recently remembered that I love Glee and should watch it.. but I didn't know how... Cause I knew how to work the CTV website... so I quickly learned how to work the global site and caught p on glee.. Though I can watch their mouths move WITH the picture.. and there's no waiting.. I wish Hellcats was like that. Since I've started watching Glee I have really wanted to watch Hellcats because it's so slow!! But!! We're getting cable today!! so I can watch them both just perfectly!! I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to write down what days what shows are and what time.. so that I dont miss them. Haha.. I know that seems stupid.. but I havent had cable in over 2 years.. I mean we did at Erics parents.. but we didn't watch our own shows in the evening.. and my entire life when I lived with mom.. I didn't get to pick my own shows.. she also watched her shows in the evening.. Though I liked all of those shows too. now I get my own shows!! I get to finally be a girl and have my very own TV shows.. lol I know that seems lame, but I have never had my own TV shows.. I mean I watched TV with amy and we had our own TV shows when we lived in London.. but we both always forgot.. we barley ever watched TV.. and I'm not really a TV kinda person.. but lately I've been so bored. PLUS the new seasons of everything started!!

Anyways.. since this entire journal entry is just me blabbing... lol... I am going to end it now :)

Dan and Sarahs Wedding

Alright so yesterday we had Erics friends wedding to go to.. It was really nice.. we took lots of notes!!.. Well I did anyway. Lol :) I'm getting pretty impatient for our wedding.. like you dream your whole life of it happening.. you get engaged you start planning and then what?.. THEN YOU WAIT!!! I'm not good at waiting.. anyone who knows me will know that... I just can't do it.. I want to be old already and have my life over with.. I have always been that way.. I just don't want to be who I currently am.. I can't wait to have life over with.. I'm THAT impatient.. Well anyways.. I wish that we would win the lottery already, because I want to have the perfect wedding which it will be because I get to marry Eric... but like it's not going to be as fancy as others.. Plus.. we live in a small town and I don't want to have people traveling too much...

Anyways.. Wedding is 7 months away and I just want it to be may already!! But, June-September went by soo quickly.. Like.. It should be July right now.. thats how fast it went!! Soooo Hopefully winter goes by even faster!! Perhaps I will try to enjoy it the best I can and maybe it'll go by quickly.. cause once January hits time is gonna FLY!!! and I'm not going to be ready even though right now I'm complaining theres too much time!!

Here are some pictures from the wedding :)

Yesterday Sucked

I know I am doing the right thing.. So why am I being punished for it? There is no chance in hell I would ever lie about it.. This is something I had to live with my entire life. It has haunted me every single day. You just cant put the peices together. I am sorry I hurt you, that was never my intention. I just don't understand why I'm being punished... My heart hurts.. I can't even breathe.. Yesterday I couldn't stand being alive.. and this morning is not much better... I need to throw up, but I can't..

I don't want to even exist.. I have been in pain my entire life, and I finally did something about it.. and now it hurts even more.. I know it was the right thing to do.. Mom says I can start healing now.. I can finally move on.. I don't have to carry it around anymore... I feel like opening up has ruined my life... I don't see how this has made anything better.. I don't see how it ever will.. Mom has been punished for protecting her... shes hated her for years.. I don't want that to happen to me.. I never wanted any of this to happen...

Why does my life have to hate me so much? ... This is killing me... It kills me to think about it.. and now it's killing me even more ... I feel like I'm being unfair to Eric because I can't even handle my own life.. ....

I feel so sick to my stomache.. I don't want this to be real anymore

They all look so delicious!!

Okay so lately I have been into the whole Stay-at-home-girlfriend kinda deal... I really have been enjoying making meals for Eric lately. Usually I have breakfast for him when he wakes up. We make lunch, dinner together.. however late at night he comes home. I'm really liking this. And when I go back to work, depening on my shifts, I am going to continue to do so. 

I have always loved baking, but I was looking at new recipes today and found some really delicious ones!! I have also found some really neat slow cooker recipes.. and some delicious looking recipes that are pretty easy!! I'm am really excited about them!! I think I would like to get some recipes books, because I have none!! I am borrowing Peggys Jello recipe book.. I should make some more stuff out of that!! I'm trying to make rainbow jello.. hahaha it hasnt worked yet.

That is all

Im not so good with updates

Usually i write 1-3 entries a day. since ive got back, i've been slacking.anyways...  Yesterday we did some grocery shopping.. We got some meat to last us a while. Normally we dont buy a lot of meat, but Erics parents are letting us use their freezer, and thats soo great! So now we have a freeeeeezer :D And we can have meals now. Thats pretty exciting. The Wal-Mart in Hanover is now a supercentre, and it's soo awesome in there. It looks soo big! That's where we picked up some groceries. We browsed around a little bit and then went home. The puppy was in the truck so we didnt want to spend too long in the store.

Peggy and I had a long talk about the puppy, and I never looked at it from her point of view. She is very right. So we are still trying to find a home for pudding. I didn't think too far into it. I just wanted the puppy cause I wanted something to take care of.. someone to walk in the morning.. It's been a nice 2 days with her, but I understand now.. And am very sorry for the way you felt yesterday. 

On a different note. I would like to accomplish a lot today. I would like to do some baking! I would also like to get our room cleaned up. It's time to completely finish unpacking. Perhaps I will try and shampoo the carpet again, while the boys are at work? .. I don't really know.. but right now I feel pretty good.. 

The Dr. said that I would notice mood changes once I started on the pills and would notice significant change in 4-8 weeks.. And I think they are helping quite a bit.. Yesterday was kind of an off day, but I did that to myself. Today is a new day. :) Today I would like to get a lot done. :)

Yikes!!

Alright so it has been quite a while since my last post!... (haha 2 days!!) Anways thanks-giving weekend was so busy! Eric and I don't usually do a lot of travelling, but this weekend we deicded would be a good one to do so.
Saturday morning I got up nice and early and went for a walk. We had some showers and finished packing the rest of our over-night bag. It took about 2 hours to get to wasaga beach. My gosh the highway on the way down there was so beautiful!! I got some really pretty pictures of the tree lines... There was like so many hills so I had a lot of nice picture opertunities.

We had a really great time at my dads. It was a really nice day. We got a tour of the beach and got to hang out. Dinner was amazing! There was so much food! It was all so yummy!! My cousin, Daylan, has a bearded dragon and it was crawling on me!! That was pretty freaky. She's pretty nice though. It was hard at first to work up the courage to touch her. I kind of bit the bullet and asked for her to be put on my shoulder. She was fine as long as she stayed there, but then she MOVED!! it was so scarey!! It was really nice to meet Kim and her husband Jamie and Daylan. It was also really nice to see my Dad again. I havent seen him in a while. I have been thinking about that a lot lately, and I think I'm really starting to change my thoughts on him. I had a very serious discussion with my mom yesterday about him, and I really like what we came to.

After we left wasaga beach, we headed over to Orillia. Nicole and Darren are finally close enough that we can visit!! I am definatly inlove with their apartment!! Its really nice. We hung out watching movies and talking about stuff. In the morning Nicole made a DELICIOUS breakfast! Oh my tummy was so full!! I have never before had loaded hashbrowns (hashbrowns with ham, green peppers and onions) THEY are my new faqvourite breakfast item. Once we had full bellies, and visited a little longer we were on our way home

On the way home we followed this truck for a little bit. There was a dog in the back seat and as cars passed he would stick his head out the window and try and bite them!! It was the funniest thing!! I tried to video tape it, but then the truck turned. :( It made me very sad. On the way home I learned that my mom WAS doing thanks-giving dinner, and she would be at my house by 1 to pick me up.

I had a shower and was barley dressed when she pulled up. So I quickly re-packed my over-night bag and jumped into the van. We had the most amazing time!! I played photographer with the kids. And then Aunt Linna said " I wish we had updated family photos. We dont have ones with Micah in them, not nice ones" So I peeked my head into the livingroom and said "Youre family is here... lets go outside" And away we went! They turned out so nice!! And mom made a delicious meal!! and She made a pie especially for my picky tastebuds!! Butterscotch pudding and whipcream! haha :)!

This morning aunt linna picked me up so I could write my g1 test. the 2 people infront of me failed so aunt linna was apperently getting pretty nervous. I actually flew threw it, it was so easy! So I was worried that I got the answers wrong. You're allowed to have 4 per page. I got 3 all together!! One I knew I for sure got wrong, because I have never before seen that sign in my life. And one I got wrong because the law changed and I forgot. And I don't remember what the other one is, off hand but I know the right answer now. So After I passed successfully we had some lunch and did some shopping.. We picked up some stuff for pudding.. Eric and I are going to try a trial run with one of moms puppies.. just for a week to see how everything works out.

Anyways thats about it for now!! I think I caught up on everything!

Long Day ahead!!

Alright. So this morning I looked for every reason I could possibly think of to stay in bed.. except I was so bored. I didn't want to go for my walk, but this is something that is going to be better for me in the long run. So I got up and went for my walk. So, I did  that and then I came back and I cleaned the kitchen, and did some dishes. 

I think a broke a nail while I was sleeping

So I'm going to finish packing our over night bag, because we're staying overnight in orilla, visiting Nicole and Darren!! Super excited about that!! 

Remember when I talked about how I loose my sweaters when I move?.. Well I found them... i think I said that.. and then.. now I've lost my sweater again.. I don't understand.. anyways

We're going to Dads for Thanks-giving today. I got mom to let me borrow the tape adapter for the car so we can plug our ipods in. Because It's a long drive to Wasaga Beach. 

Anyways thats about it for now. I don't really have much to talk about because it's not even 9oclock in the morning... I have been up for only an hour and a half ... Thus my life is not that exciting yet.. Except the dishes are done I am excited about that :)

Oct 9 - Day 4

Today was another really great day. I slept for 12.5 hours!! thats a lot of hours. I went to bed last night at 7:30, and woke up this morning at 8. Now I did wake up a lot during the night... Everytime the door opened.. I forgot the leave the light on for Ben, sorry :) And I woke up this morning at like 4.. but it was way too early to get up.. so I got up at 8, I put half my face on and I went for a walk. I did some dishes. I baked cookies.. Now apparently this oven is WAY hotter than our old one. Eric said its because one of the elements is brand new.. I baked cookies for the boys, and the timer was set for 11 minutes. I pulled them out at 8, cause they were a little bit burnt. It made me pretty sad. Some of them are good, and the really bad ones I threw out.. So theyll just have to eat them anyways!!

I made Eric some breakfast, and we did the dishes from that and went downstairs and watched a movie. We had quesadillas for lunch!! They were just sooo very yummy!! That was pretty exciting. And whats even more exciting then that ... we did those dishes right away! Haahaha. We started doing that at the old apartment and we were soo good at keeping up with the dishes, but since we moved in here the counter has been a drop zone, so it's been very hard to keep up with them. Plus we've all been so busy lately. 

I just woke up from a nap. I was going to try to not nap in the afternoon.. But I was sooo tired.. The plan was to just not lay down, but I couldn't help it. I slept for like 3 hours. As if I did not get enough sleep last night, yeah right! 

So I painted my nails .. and came and wrote this entry... I am not very interesting .. but today is the 4th day in the row I have not felt angry - agitated - sad and frustrated.. I think this is the longest I have gone without crying, or throwing something.. in a very long time.

Oct 8 - Day 3 Engagement Photo Day!

I did not get out for my walk in the morning.. but i did go for a 20 minute walk when we went to the falls, so I thought that would count instead of going in the morning, since the morning schedule was so tight as it was!

We had such a wonderful morning with Kristin and her family. There were some really nice shots. And I got to take some of her family, and that was pretty neat :) We had a beautiful morning of pictures and playing with the kids. The sun got too bright for photos, so we decided that we had a bunch and that was good :) So Eric and I went for a little walk around the falls, and then headed into Owen Sound for lunch.

We decided that we would hit up the mall for a little bit. He said that I could buy a shirt so i told him  I guess I would go. Hahaha... Me? say no to a mall? YEAH RIGHT!! I bought 2 long sleeved V-Neck tops. So comfortable!! They were 6 dollars each! That was exciting. I also foudn this really pretty eye shadow pallet, of pure sparkles. Everytime I have bought sparkle eye shadow its been the gel stuff. I HATE GEL EYE SHADOW!!!! It feels disgusting and it makes my eyes sticky and all my sparkles end up at the top of my eye and not everywhere.. I used to have these sparkles I used for when I went out.. and then.. like all the rest of my make-up that I use all the time, I ran out. So this pallet was only 7dollars, and theres 8 different colours! Excitement!!

It was a really good day.. The last 3 days have been really amazing... I really the medicine has not yet kicked in, but I have felt so great! It's so comforting to feel so good for so long. I've been getting out a lot, too, and surrounded by people. It's been so great!

Anyways thats it for now!! Can't wait to see the pictures!! yay!!

By the way ... Firefox wont let me on my journal!! I had to use a different browser! MY COMPUTER SUCKS!

Day 2 = Oct 7th

So this morning I did not get up for my walk, though I still got up. It may have been an hour later than when I originally wanted to wake up, but I also went to bed 2 hours after I wanted to... It was well worth staying up though! .. So I got ready to go shopping, and I sat outside in the sun for about 20 minutes... instead of going for my walk, because I walked all morning in the stores :)

We went to the dress shop and saw my pretty dress!! ahhhh and i got to take pictures! Then we went to Zellers and I got some much needed make-up products .. and we went to giant tiger and looked around and then we decided to have taco salad for lunch and went to food basics and got some stuff!! 

We had some lunch and it was so delicious! It was a spectacular morning!!

I went to the hardware store to print those pictures off so Eric cant put his hot little hands on them! And I deleted them off of my camera! I can't wait to put them in my scrapbook! SO HURRY UP MAY 21 2011...

Anyways.. after about 40 minutes of twitter aggravation I gave up on Blair uploading her video.. and finally watch it todaaay that was so exciting!! And she made me want to do my nails .. so I did! ha.. I need more colours though.. I just did them like a deep red.. they kinda need a second coat them.. then i need to like line my nails with a q-tip avec nail polish remover because Im a slob, but oh well!

Anyways that is it for now!

So far so good

I still havent had a nap yet .. so good, this is good. Todays been pretty good. I've been outside twice, thats 2 more times than normal, ha.. I watched 2 movies.. I know that that adds to the whole ordeal of me not really getting out of the house, but this was after I already got out.. and perhaps I will take a book and lay on the deck for a while...

I'm really enjoying having a house.. I have a deck and a backyard... it's nice.. I really can't wait until I get this craft room set up...

Maybe I would like to start a puzzle... that would be really great!.. I love puzzles.. I wanna start scrap booking again, but this time I'm going to get a better book hahaha. It'll be really nice.. But for now this is okay.. 

I realize that I have been having a lot of ups and downs.. and that one good day doesn't mean that everything is all better... But for right now.. Feeling my own heart beat doesn't suck.. 

I am going to paint my nails perhaps :) Yup I think thats what Im going to do :)

Tomorrow Peggy and I are going shopping... I'm really excited to be out.. and by out I mean out.. not just going to and from my Dr. Appts...  Out .. shopping... regular people stuff.. this will be really good...

I am determined to get better ... today atleast

Oct 6 --Day 1

Last night I decided I probably wasn't getting up in the morning to go for my walk. This kinda made me upset, seeing as how today was day one. As it turned out, I forgot to re-set my alarm. So at 7:45am it went off. I decided to actually get out of bed and go for my walk. 

I set this goal and I want to achieve it. 2 weeks - 15 minutes - int he morning.. I can do this.. 

I left at exactly 7:59am. I wanted to go for about 15 minutes, but I looked at my phone, and It was already 8:12am. And I had to make it back to my house. By the time I got back, It was 8:24. I was out for 25 minutes. That is pretty good for a girl who can barley get out of bed to walk to 5 steps to the upstairs bathroom... It's kinda exciting once you look at it that way.. So that's not bad.. I just need to find the energy and strength to do it continually everyday. 

So today I will try and get as much as I can done. I am going to back breakfast in about an hour, then perhaps I will have a shower .. maybe i will sit outside for a bit.. if it stops raining.. Also, as soon as I got in the house i noticed it was raining, so either I didn't notice when I was out there, or it started when I came inside.. wooo!! .. Anyways... What else should I do today? We are doing laundry tomorrow, thats kind of exciting. 

Oh, I made this beautiful house on the sims! I'm kind of excited :)

That is all for now.. I WANT TO BAKE COOKIES!! .. Darn you non-working oven!

Maybe I don't even know what's going on with my head

Maybe it's going to get worse before it gets better. I seem to have lost interest in everything I'm interested in. I don't even know what to do.. its like.. when I'm happy nothing can bring me down, nothing can stop me. I am on a mission to conquer the world. Everything is fine.. Like I get how I've always been on an emotional high .. I talk super fast, my mind races 100miles a minute.. and then SMASH!! I run into that wall.. 

I cry.. I scream... I fight to breathe.. I can't find my passion for anything, I loose all interest in everything I have ever loved. It all happens to fast.. my heart beats so fast.. and I hate it... Sometimes I just hate hearing my heart beat .. I know that's bad.. I don't know how to fix it.. I just hate my life until I'm suddenly thrown somewhere else and I find something that triggers a happy day... or a happy hour.. Sometimes I'm happy for a couple days.. sometimes a couple hours.. sometimes something that used to make me happy, can make me cry and make me soo angry ...

I'm a mess.. I don't even know.. I can't decide how I really feel.. It's kinda like a roller coaster.. you're going so fast and then BAM... you're going soo slow and life is dragging.. and then BAM... you're on that high again where nothing can bring you down... you're invincible.. but you're really not ... You're a train wreck waiting to happen.. 

I want this to go away... I've been slowly sinking for a few years now.. It's just seemed to all of a sudden hit me.. where I can't function I can't do anything.. I can't even love things I used to love.. you have no idea how that feels.. to not have any emotion towards things that used to never bring you down before.. I can be in the middle of something that used to make me feel soo happy.. something i used to love more than life... and I find myself getting mad at me, because I can't feel anything... I'm numb... And then I hate myself for not enjoying it the way I used to..and then I find myself wondering why I'm even there.. And then when I'm not there... I don't miss it.. WHY!?... Why do I have to go through this.. it's so hard..

i was right

today is not a good day .. Eric keeps coming upstairs just for like 3minutes at a time, to give me a kiss and talk to me .. and it's annoying me.. i know that's really bad.. i can't help it .. i apparently just want to be a lone. i usually hate it when he pays more attention to his xbox than to me, but i don't really know.. I need to scream i think .. im so sick of crying so i should try screaming .. I've hit that wall again i thought i started walking away from it.. i thought everything was getting better.. new house, new attitude?.. No.. I was wrong ... 

I was doing so good.. I fought the urge to stay in bed.. I accomplished so much ... She said if I get up early and do things that it will help ... it's currently not helping.. I can't stand being alive right now.. I don't know what its about anymore.. but apparently nothing has helped.. maybe i do need something more than just time.. I cant do this on my own.. I thought I could, but I have good days and I think that everything is all better and then I have bad days where nothing matters and nothing helps, and I can't pull myself up this wall.. She said to tear the wall down .. or find another path.. But I can't .. this is the end of the road all the paths have come to one.. and this one stops at this wall.. I can't go any further.. I can't tear it down... I don't know how.. Im not strong enough to do it.. I'm stuck in this universe of rewind, guilt and pain.. 

I can't ... I've been saying I can't my whole life.. I wanted to turn it into I can.. but I can't do that.. There are some people who overcome the same feelings, I'm not one of those people.. Maybe some day.. maybe not.. I don't really know... all I know right now is that I'm stuck.. I don't know what's going to make it all better and I don't know how I'm going to survive a routine of going back to work.. I really don't know.. I don't know if I can handle it, but I know I'm screwing everything up by not working .. We can't do anything .. we're soo stuck without my income.. 

See what I have done? I have messed everything up by not being at work.. I can't take much more of me screwing up .. I can't take it.. I'm just so lucky Eric is so understanding of my non-sense.. 

Today ... I can't do it ...I dont even want to breathe

i dont know

okay so i dont really know how i feel. i feel incomplete maybe?... Perhaps I need a long bubble bath. I also need my hair done.. and I need to hurry up and go back to work so i can bring home a paycheck... I would like to get my hair cut and dyed .. i dont know .. i was having a good day, right now im just not feeling well .. i need friends ..

I'm so productive!!

So this morning, I got up.. later than what I wanted but still early enough to feel accomplished.. Dinner is in the slow cooker, the dishes are done.. I've lost about 30 pounds in boogers alone.. I made Eric brunch .. Super Cheesey Omelet, Blue berry waffles and bacon! Gosh I'm such a fantastic girlfriend :) .. I should do the dishes from breakfast... Except.. I did all the dishes from when we moved in.. ha that sucked. There were soo many more than I thought there was..

What should I make for dinner for the rest of the week? I've got some spaghetti in the slow cooker for tonight, it's gonna be delicious!! Like I'm so very excited about it. Aunt Linna made spaghetti like this that last time I had it, and I just about drowned in flavour!! So you can imagine how excited I am.. Plus I never have made anything in the slow cooker before, so I'm pretty excited about that too..

Im still trying to convince mom to let me borrow her video camera.. I totally wanna start vlogging, it'll be exciting!! How many times have I said excited in this blog? .. like 8 or something i think.. and i've really only talked about 2 things.. haha

Also .. I want to slow cook the ham thats in the freezer .. what should I do with it?.. What else can I slow cook?.. I like the slow cooker idea ... it cooks itself for me while I'm not paying attention to it, woo woo!!

simmies

Ben bought the sims 3 high-end loft stuff. It's pretty neat!! So many nifty modern style things.. 

Ben also bought groceries, that was exciting!! Especially since we just bought groceries.. so now we have pretty much anything u can think of, so once we get an oven.. we can make things!! .. 

I am going to bake cookies.. 

And cupcakes

And make water chestnuts wrapped in bacon

I am also going to make glazed ham, though I dont need an oven for that..

Perhaps Taco salad should be on the menu this week? ... hmmm

Finally!!

Alright, so I realize it will take a while for me to make this house exactly how I want it. Now that we have the space for shelves and nick nacks and such, im going to be getting some more of those. We also need to get some DVD racks. We're not sure where we want the DVDs. Now that we have a rec room, we don't really know where we'll be watching most of our movies. Seeing as how theres no DVD player upstairs, but there IS one in the bedroom, downstairs seems to be the best place for the DVDs. however, im not sure i like the look of that, you know? Oh well I  have a while to figure it out. Plus, this isn't an apartment, so it feels more permanent! PS, Peggy bought the white curtains for us, for 3 dollars! EXCITEMENT!!

You know what I hate?!? When spell check comes up with all of these stupid words that for the word you're trying to spell.. like sorry but i don't know how to spell permanent, so i tried spelling it perminent and it came up with peppermint, prominent, and permitting.. and those are nowhere near what I was trying to spell!! WHAT IF I ACTUALLY HAD NO IDEA!!! THEN WHAT?! Gosh.. This upsets me

 Anyways. I have sorted my junk boxes and condensed them into a few instead of a bunch. And now that we have a basement We have a place to store this junk instead of in the closet! I'm pretty excited. I have made the craft room, pretty much all t can be right now, considering I don't have a table, lol. So once I get a table in here it'll actually be a craft room, for now it's a computer room with a bunch of girly stuff on the walls. Once I actually decide on a design for this room, it's going to be less lame on the walls, cause I kinda put whatever I wanted, wherever I wanted. :)I am hoping to invest in a sewing machine, and learn how to use it really well. I'm also hoping to get a table in here. We should like an actual kitchen table with matching chairs, so hopefully we can get that soon, and then we can retire our kitchen table, up here. I really like it because I can make it either a table, or a desk. it's pretty nifty!! I would also like to get a bunch of other things for this room.. I don't remember off hand, but that would be super.. I SHOULD GET A VANITY!! yup thats what I want.. then i could put it in here and play with my make-up for hours :) although, my bedroom is big enough for me to have one of those in there, but i think eric wants to put a chair under the window.. oh well!! :-P

Anywho.. I guess I have made this journal entry long enough. I'm really just trying to kill time before church. I have been  up since like 7 or 7:30, I dont remember.. and its 7 minutes to 9 right now.. and we're getting picked up at 9:10.. so I think I have done pretty good time wise.. Cause I look fab.. first journal entry of the day is complete.. and thats about it.. hahahaha!! 

Oh yeah one more exciting thing.. WE SET UP THE SIMS 3!!!!!!!!!! IM SO EXCITED!!! Ben and I tried making this house, except with the basement it's kinda hard... cause everything is out of proportion. When Im making like real houses.. i'm very picky on them looking exactly like it, inside and out.. and it really only looks like it in some rooms.. it kinda makes me sad.. cause you have to make the basement first, so you have to have the foundation, the way you exactly want it.. but we made the foundation too big, and then we made an over hang on the upstairs, but i dont really know if there is an over hang or not.. if there is, its definatly on the wrong side.. it kinda makes me uber sad.. 

Oh yeah, one more thing. Since Amanda and I went Dress Shopping, I have been trying to show Peggy the colours. They ARE on facebook but its just not the same. Every time we went over there, i forgot them. Every time she came over here I couldnt find them.. I thought I looked everywhere for them yesterday, yet they were underneath one of my notebooks.. I was so upset.. Eric found them like not even a half hour after Peggy left yesterday. So I went looking for them today, and FORGOT WHERE I PUT THEM!! Except, i found them pretty much right before I started freaking out. OH EM GEE!! I was gonna eat breakfast and then i forgot!! DANG!! I'm gonna go quickly do that! oops!! 

PS I just spent the last 3 minutes editing this entry.. and Erics alarm went off to wake up.. and i heard him shut it off.. and now im 100% sure hes snoring.. haha you silly boy.. i am coming to jump on you!!!

I can see the floor!!

So last night my goal was to try and clean all the boxes out of the living room before Eric got home. I didn't think I was ever going to get it done, but I did!! It's so great, I can see the floor!! I'm pretty excited. There are a few boxes to unpack still. I didn't unpack a lot of them, i just put them in the room they needed to go, because i knew there was mostly junk in those boxes that I needed to sort through. Anyways... Point is.. WE'RE ALMOST DONE!!

Another exciting thing is, we steam cleaned the couch today. It got muddy in the process of moving, and now its clean. We're also working on steam cleaning the carpets. Guess we'll have to finish that before we go to bed. Wet socks suck!!

THE MEDICINE CABINET BIT ME!!

Dear Mr Medicine cabinet, I don't know what I ever did to you, but I declare you a bully.. YOU GIANT BUTTHEAD! All I was trying to do was put bandaids, of all things, inside of you YOU DIDNT HAVE TO BE A JERK! I really don't think that we are going to get a long at all. This is our first week in the new house, AND IT BIT ME! Sliced my arm open!! Really open!! It bled and bled and then bled some more... FIRST IMPRESSIONS Medicine Cabinet Dude.. FIRST IMPRESSIONS! Why I outta get 7 years bad luck, for my revenge! GRRRRRRRRRRR

happy october!!

HAPPY OCTOBER!!!

Making Progress

Okay so we are slowly making progress!! The living room no longer looks like this first picture. I have put some things up on the walls, and Eric re-arranged the furniture. There are still a bunch of boxes but once I can bring myself to get off of my butt I am going to be putting boxes into the rooms where they belong. My goal is to have the living room completely clean by the time Eric gets home. I would like to surprise him. I did a lot yesterday and he was pretty excited. I can't lift very much, but if I put small things into boxes and take the time to carry stuff up, then I'll be good to go!! I will post more pictures soon! I have my dresser done as well, our room is pretty much done, we just need our bed together and that's happening tomorrow!

Okay so we put up most of the pictures today!! I thought the stairwell would be a good family wall! So, that's where they are! It looks kinda silly in the picture, I'm just now realizing this. oh well. I would like to get the rest of the hall decorations up before it's too late to start hammering again so i guess that means i need to get off of my butt... but I'm sooo tried!!

alright you know what I HATE?!?!... The stupid red squiggly lines that show up after you've incorrectly spelled a word. I'm the type of person who couldn't care less about punctuation, I love to exaggerate on some of my letters, but my OCD tells me I HAVE to fix it when that stupid red squiggly line shows up! I HATE IT!