I know I am doing the right thing.. So why am I being punished for it? There is no chance in hell I would ever lie about it.. This is something I had to live with my entire life. It has haunted me every single day. You just cant put the peices together. I am sorry I hurt you, that was never my intention. I just don't understand why I'm being punished... My heart hurts.. I can't even breathe.. Yesterday I couldn't stand being alive.. and this morning is not much better... I need to throw up, but I can't..
I don't want to even exist.. I have been in pain my entire life, and I finally did something about it.. and now it hurts even more.. I know it was the right thing to do.. Mom says I can start healing now.. I can finally move on.. I don't have to carry it around anymore... I feel like opening up has ruined my life... I don't see how this has made anything better.. I don't see how it ever will.. Mom has been punished for protecting her... shes hated her for years.. I don't want that to happen to me.. I never wanted any of this to happen...
Why does my life have to hate me so much? ... This is killing me... It kills me to think about it.. and now it's killing me even more ... I feel like I'm being unfair to Eric because I can't even handle my own life.. ....
I feel so sick to my stomache.. I don't want this to be real anymore
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